..looking back and looking ahead

5 Notes

As many of you know I lost my wife this past November. She died after a rough year of cancer treatments due to a recurrence of breast cancer. I started my mourning the day she died by heaving a huge breath, a sigh of relief, Lynn’s struggle was over. It’s not easy for a 54 year old person to die no matter how sick they are — dying is tough work and watching it happen can be brutal.

The day after her death I completely tore a ligament in the thumb of my left hand after falling off a bicycle - so I complicated an already difficult situation! The weeks that have followed have been odd. At first Lynn was everywhere, and yet nowhere, I couldn’t separate myself from her, and frankly, didn’t want to. Then there was the constant sensation that she would be calling any minute to let me know where she was and when she would be home.

Contrary to what seems to be conventional wisdom, I haven’t found the holidays to be particularly painful. There seems to be a constant flow of activities, family gatherings, sporting events, and general noise to distract my daughter and me. And, really, is everyone actually having such a great time now?! Rather, I’m dreading the return of January, with the long arm of winter just beginning and “normal” life taking over.

It hasn’t helped that I haven’t been able to play the cello. I’m already in a strange situation and to compound that, I can’t do what I usually do — something that defines me, at least partially. But I’m looking forward to getting out of this little hand cast I’ve been locked into for the last 2-3 weeks. I’m not sure what I’ll be able to do right away, but I’m sure I will at least get a start on the road to playing/performing again.

I will be back! There are two projects coming down the pike soon. I have an LP called “American Power” that is a collaboration with photographer Mitch Epstein. It will be shipping in mid January. Later, I’ll have an EP of remixes by Scott Solter who attacked 5 tracks from the original Broken Arm Trio CD and created a set of wild and beautiful electronic landscapes.

I look forward to 2012. Even with the pain I am carrying around right now there is opportunity to create. See you in ‘12 and Happy New Year!