erik friedlander

Getting My “Motor” Back

I’ve been watching a whole lot of Battlestar Galactica and I’d just like to pause and say..what a cool show! However, watching 19 episodes in 12 days does not contribute (at least doesn’t directly contribute) to my getting my motor back. (speaking of getting nothing done because of BG, check out Portlandia on this topic: http://youtu.be/yYjLrJRuMnY) 

If you watch a little football, which I’ve also been doing thanks to the Giants (a pattern developing here?), you may hear sportscaster or analysts talking of a particular players motor. It’s a term used to describe will power and persistence. A player with a good motor plays at a high level play after play, despite fatigue. I like this terminology, and it hit me the other day, I don’t have my motor back..and then I wondered for how long has it been…idling or stuck in park? 

It occurred to me that I have been spending my energies for weeks leading up to my wife’s death, first attempting to keep the inevitable at bay while trying to maintain my wife’s spirits, my own sanity and my daughter’s outlook . Then I was managing the doctors, nurses, insurance, specialists, appointments as Lynn’s complications grew more severe, it’s a big undertaking. Then there was Lynn’s dying which is all so new and difficult. So, I suppose it’s no surprise I’m feeling like my motor isn’t running yet on all cylinders. 

But slowly things are improving. A few days I ago I performed for the first time in 2 or 3 months and it felt good. Performing with Lucia Pulido was a blast - her singing comes from all the right places (heart and soul), and a duo we performed was moving for me.  Then Saturday night, over at the Stone for an Improv Night, I had a few more glimmers of magic when I sat down with Ikue Mori and Anthony Coleman for an improv that was exceptional. Playing with these two amazing musicians, veterans of the Downtown scene was so much fun, and I felt again why I love music and why I’m so proud to be a part of the scene here in NYC.

Walking home from The Stone I was buzzed, feeling connected to spirit of the city. It was cold and slush was everywhere but people were out and being a part of just another Saturday night was kindling some optimism in me - I was feeling my motor.